Discipleship Q&A
Question + Answers Time with Chris Pletcher
The root word for “discipleship” is discipline. 1 Timothy 4:7 says, “Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.” Very simply, a disciple is someone who has listened to the words of Jesus and acted upon those teachings in a way that has shaped their life to become like Him in character and action.
While this journey must be committed to by the individual, it is far from a solitary quest. Proverbs 13:20 declares, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” The church is a spiritual family where mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers all take part in helping the younger family members mature.
Everyone needs RELATIONSHIP. We never grow out of our need for the connection, encouragement and shaping that comes from others. But let’s define a few different types of relationships and explore the purpose of each.
Discipleship — Everyone enters God’s family as “newborn infants” who need to “grow up into salvation” (1 Peter 2:2). Discipleship is when spiritually mature believers help the new members of the family learn the ways of Jesus and His Kingdom. Similar to the newborn and toddler stage of human development, new believers require a lot of love, attention and support until they learn to feed themselves and walk with Jesus on their own two feet. The goal is that they grow from being primarily dependent on others to being interdependent contributors within the family.
Sharpening — “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17) As we mature, we must embrace God’s vision for community, vulnerability and relationship with one another. Our growth into Christlike love and maturity happens as we share life with one another in a way that is authentic and edifying. “Encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11) Sharpening happens through Lifegroups, Serve Teams and friendships. It is a mutual exchange that builds up both people involved.
Mentorship — “One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.” (Psalm 145:4) Mentorship is a relational exchange between generations with a specific growth purpose in mind. A mentor is NOT someone who takes responsibility for my walk with God and perpetually holds my hold! A mentor is often someone who has authority in an area of life that you want to grow in. A mentorship relationship should have a clear purpose, timeframe and end date so that expectations are met and co-dependency is avoided.
Q&A
“How do you balance family/fatherhood/motherhood and discipleship of others outside of your family unit?”
Here’s why I love this question…
You can’t disciple everyone. You can’t make room for everyone. Jesus had 12. You only have so much relational bandwidth, so I would say proceed prayerfully and invest in the people that Jesus is leading you to disciple. Resist responding from obligation - that usually doesn’t go well or leads to burnout. Follow the Spirit.
Invite those people into your world and look for ways to include them in your already established rhythms. Jesus beautifully modeled this for us. His life was a balance of shared time and experiences mixed with intentional teaching moments.
Moms - Invite younger women to join you as you clean the house or cook dinner. Invite them to tag along at the park and do one of the D-ship lessons while the kids play.
Share the story about Cameron and Friday mornings at Alpha…
“The infant analogy sounds like we don’t need continued discipleship but we are to “grow up” - please clarify.”
As a new believer, you will need a lot of support from the family in the early years. You will be very hungry for truth (sponge stage). You will discover the beauty (and some of the messiness) of community with others. It’s a beautiful growth stage! For me, this was college. Super-charged years of growth. I had a lot of people that walked with me and invested in me. But I grew up to a place of maturity where I could let go of their hand, keep hold of JESUS, and begin to offer a hand to others.
The MAIN PERSON discipling me is JESUS. The main person responsible for my spiritual growth is ME. The exception is during the early years of your faith where it is a developmental necessity to be more intentionally helped by others.
I’m already really independent, and I don’t think that’s exactly a good thing. I’m in Lifegroup and I have friends, but I feel that discipleship/mentorship is missing.
I want to affirm that “independence” is not a Kingdom value. Resist that temptation. “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” (Proverbs 18:1)
BUT… you can also be “mentored” by your community. What I mean is that you might not have 1 person who you meet for lunch every week, but you are connected with a community where you are still being sharpened by the culture and mentored by the values.
If you sense something is missing, ask God, “What is missing in my growth and formation as a man/woman?” Once you get clear on that, ask Him, “Is there anyone in particular that I can glean from in that area? Or is this an area for me to press in with You, Lord?”
My mentor for worship and prayer was King David… I spent so much time in the Psalms because it was a language I didn’t receive as a child. It was sharpened by a guy named Calen Taylor, who is younger than me but had more authority and revelation in this area of life. We were on staff together in Texas and sharpened each other.
My mentor in fatherhood is John Eldredge… He has no idea who I am and he has profoundly shaped how I love and lead my children.
“What kind of qualities should we look for in people that we will invest hours into every month? It’s a big commitment!”
2 Timothy 2:1-2 // You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.
Give your best FAITHFUL people who demonstrate that they want to become DOERS of the word. Look for those who are eager and hungry to transfer it to others as well. If someone is flaky, non-committal, or doesn’t follow through with the accountability portion, then graciously move on and give your time to those who want to be faithful. In cross-cultural discipleship, I know missionaries who will stop meeting with a potential disciple if they show up to the 2nd meeting and didn’t follow through on lesson 1.
If you sniff out that someone doesn’t want to mature but just wants you to spoon feed them and hold their hand… move on. It may sound harsh… but don’t waste your time with someone who is repeatedly unfaithful.
Response
Jesus, how can I grow spiritually this summer? How do you want to disciple me?
Father, is there anyone that I can share the Gospel with this year?
Father, is there anyone that I can help grow as a disciple this year?